So here come the holidays rushing in. Upon pulling out all of my decorations, I start finding special little things she gave me. A good deal of my Christmas stuff my Mom bought me or made herself. Some things I forgot about, and more than likely I would have a good cry upon discovering them. I even saved Christmas cards she sent with loving little notes written before she was sick. I am such a sap when it comes to those things, and I save all of it. Most of the time it gives me comfort, but sometimes it evokes a sadness that is so overwhelming. Today was one of those days. So. . . I decided to pack it up. Yep, two days before Christmas. I don't want to do it this year.
In dealing with cancer these past two years with my Parents, all I want to do is heal. I've carried such pain with me since then, and I can't imagine holding onto it for the rest of my life. Although it will certainly always be there. I know that kind of pain can really consume a person. At the same time, I don't ever want to forget them. I want to honor their legacy, remembering what they have taught me and displaying their little special things in prominent places in my home, always. I want to remember them with love, and not the pain of loosing them. But wow, right now it's really hard.